My name is  Yuan Quan. I like winter best.Because l can play in  the snow and make  a snowman.  Winter  is white and   pretty.My mam  and sister  also like winter.I often make a snowman and play in the snow on winter. Sometimes I go shopping  with my family.

修改后：
My name is  Yuan Quan. I like winter best. Because l can play with the snow and make  a snowman.  In winter, the world is all white. My mum  and sister also like winter. We often make snowmen and have a snowball fight together. It is very interesting.

修改老師：Crystal 老師 

    五年級(jí):袁泉

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